i recently started talking to someone again who i used to be closer to than anyone else and they asked me if i was happy. because this person means a lot to me, i wasn't just going to say yes like i would to anyone else, so i really thought about it. am i really happy with my life right now? and i couldn't really find the right word to use. i ended up using "content". the definition of content is " desiring no more than what one has; satisfied." well obviously i'm not satisfied with life right now or else i would be happy, wouldn't i? i guess the more proper thing to say would have been to say that i'm "getting by". plenty of things haven't worked out the way i've wanted them to and i've just "gotten by". life right now is NOT how i would have wanted it to work out, and it's definitely not everything i want either. it really goes to show that material items don't mean you're happy. i have way more right now than i did this time last year, yet i look back to this time last year and i remember truly being happy. regardless of the situation i was in, i was genuinely happy. and i'm not now. i've taken steps back in life and seeing that is really upsetting to me. and i can't take the steps necessary to move forward because i don't know what i need to get there. nor can i even think of a word to describe how i am with life. i'll admit... as of now i'm lost.
