so i think ive deemed myself officially confused. im not sure as to what im doing with myself right now. i feel like i need this certain something, but im timid as to reach for it. ive wanted it for a while and i just dont think ive ever been able to figure out how to go about it. and i still dont think i know how. im not the type of person to go about things without planning completely and not know what im doing. i hardly ever feel stupid, but when it comes to this specific thing, ive never said anything because of the chance of sounding stupid. i dont think ive ever been so scared of someone judging me as much as this. but at the same time, even if things were to be said, i dont think anything would change. and i feel like weve missed so many chances.. or there just havent been good enough chances. which sucks. but even if there was i wouldnt know where to start. iono im confused. as always.. i just wish expressing myself was easier. ive always had a hard time doing things like this..
