always

you know, something is ALWAYS bound to go wrong. its sad that ive stopped showing excitement because i expect something to fall through or go wrong. and it honestly never fails. im so over it.
im freaking out about something going wrong with spring break that im nauseous. something already HAS gone wrong with spring break.
i was sooooo excited and looking forward to getting into san diego regardless of my three hour layover and now tomorrow doesnt excite me at all. im actually not looking forward to it whatsoever.
im not looking forward to waking up early. im not looking forward to the actual flight, and i LOVE flying. im not looking forward to the 3 hour layover. im not looking forward to finally touching down in san diego. im not looking forward to in-n-out. none of it anymore.
but i dont know why i didnt expect this from the beginning. this shit always seems to happen, which is why i really dont get excited or show emotion for anything anymore. its obviously unnecessary.
and now im sitting on my bed all depressed and kinda over all of it.
i dont think i should be this depressed about it?
im thinking it can only mean one thing, and its prolly not good..

yeah

pretty sure im falling hard.

long lost no more

in the mist of this thing called my life,(haha i know, right? didnt know i had one)anyway, it had completely slipped my mind that i even had a blog. i went to barnes and noble last week and decided i was going to start actually writing once again. so i bought a journal spur of the moment. thats me, living life on the edge.

a lot has happened in my life actually, nothing i really want to talk about though..
and i guess thats the point of having a blog, but iono.

on a lighter note, im going on a cruise to mexico this spring break! :]
were leaving from san diego on a 7 day cruise and were going shopping in puerto vallarta, getting drunk in mazatlan, and going on a sail and snorkel excursion in cabo san lucas. i can confidently say im damn stoked for this. ive never gone out of the country, and granted its only mexico, i need this.

i feel like ive needed this for so long. and i fucking deserve it. i know i do. i have worked my ass off for forever to get where i am today, this is the least i could do for myself.